Stress

I started to write an email to my sister and then I thought let me go ahead and post it here.

I started to apologize to her for constantly ranting about my weight struggles.  I then started to get into one of the things I think is causing a large part of my problem.  That's when I stopped and decided to post it here....airing some dirty laundry so to speak.

Stress.  My mother always seemed to be worried about something when I was growing up.  I used to joke with her that she wasn't happy unless she had something to worry about.  It has occurred to me on more than one occasion that I'm just like her in that regard.  I stress over my weight for sure.  I tend to stress over money as well.

Not sure why I'm stressing over money.  I'm not independently wealthy, but I have enough money to cover the bills each month and put a bit into savings.  We live a comfortable life.  I've been at my job for 13yrs and there's no indication it's going to end anytime soon.  Yet I still worry.

Growing up my family did struggle with finances.  My father became disabled when I was 8yrs old.  My mother had to go back to work and there were times when things were tight.  Not that we fully understood when we were young, but you don't forget trying to drink powdered milk.  Looking back on those events I wonder how they influence my thoughts today.  I don't think its a fear of not having enough.  I think its simply stress makes you feel hungry.

As a child and young adult I was active enough that I could get away with eating anything I wanted.  I played various sports, rode my bike, swam, hiked, etc.  Then I got a desk job and that cut into the activity level, but I still played sports.  Slowly as I got older those sports fell by the wayside as I worked two and three jobs to make ends meet....there's that financial stressor again.  Now I'm 52 and 70lbs overweight.

I never got back to playing sports and now everything aches.  The arthritis some days makes going up and down the stairs difficult.  And my money fears, although unfounded, have followed me.  Not sure where this leaves me.  Maybe by airing this 'dirty laundry' I start to work towards letting go of unnecessary stressors.  Yeah I understand I could lose my job tomorrow and those stressors become real, but why invite unnecessary stress into my life.

I'm going to make a concentrated effort to let go of needless worry.   I'm going to try and accentuate the positive steps I make and not turn it into a rant about my weight issue.  I don't expect sunshine and lollipops overnight, but each day I can take steps to curtail those thoughts/stresses as they come up.  And I can start increasing the intensity of my exercise....who knows maybe I'll be able to play softball again.  

I'm sure there will be more rants to come though....but maybe this is a tiny first step in self improvement.